Move over all ye ‘Business Schools’ and ‘Management Gurus’ – a brand new management theory is being propounded right here !!
1. Charles Sennewald in his book ‘Effective Security Management’ has mentioned some ‘Jackass Management Traits’ (which have nothing to do with Security Management) at the end of the book. They are hilarious scenarios of typical traits of ‘mismanagement’ exhibited by the top managers in various organizations. These traits cover most of the ‘idiosyncratic’ oddities displayed by managers in any organization. Well, the new management theory that I am going to describe does not even fit into the ‘Jackass Traits’. And remember, this is not even remotely akin to ‘MBO’, which we all know is ‘Management by Objectives’.
2. MBI stands for ‘Management by Idiots’. I am sure you all must have come across this scenario at some point of time in your careers. If you are lucky enough NOT to have endured these traits in your bosses – wait awhile – your time will come ! In MBI, the top boss deliberately and knowingly installs ‘Idiots’ on important chairs. These ‘dumb characters’ are grossly unfit for the appointments which they hold and as a consequence chaos reigns supreme in all facets of office life. Why would a top boss commit such a folly, one may ask ? Well, this is done to ensure that there is absolutely no resistance from any quarter, to the ‘whims and fancies’ of the boss. His writ thus runs large and ‘thy will be done’ – Amen! All the idiots are ‘Yes Men’ of the highest order.
3. Bosses who resort to the MBI style of management have some typical traits. They are professional nincompoops who suffer from a massive sense of insecurity. They are mortally scared of the fact that people may NOT do their bidding which, of course, is a totally unfounded fear. They are suspicious of everyone else and trust nobody except for members of the ‘dumb inner circle’. They encourage ‘back-biting’ by lending a patient ear to the tales that the ‘idiots’ carry. They will not tolerate even a mild suggestion from anyone unless it has been duly endorsed by one of the ‘idiots’. In fact everyone is told to route everything through these ‘dumbos’. A façade of ‘every thing is in order’ is carefully maintained. Complaints are promptly bounced back from where they originate and all cases of impropriety/indiscipline are brushed under the carpet. The boss is just not willing to listen to any voice which is raised against the incompetence of any idiot. In fact he eulogises the non-existent achievements of these dumb characters. Such bosses, more often than not, have double standards and do NOT practice what they preach. They only do the preaching – practicing is for others !
4. The ‘idiots’ also have some peculiar traits – chief among them being the ability to sing paens about the boss at the drop of a hat. They will leave no opportunity in singing thus, openly, much to the embarrassment of the people at large. The boss’s magnanimity (of which only they are the recipients !), large-heartedness, vision, professional expertise (which is visible to only a select few !), and transparency are often the topics of praise. This blatant flattery is evident at all gatherings (be it official forums or private audiences), leaving everyone else fidgeting on their seats. Another trait is their fantastic ability to ‘lay eggs’ over any case which lands up on their desks. Procrastination is the name of the game and they believe that if a case can be delayed long enough then there is no need to do anything about it !! Yet another trait is the constant game of one-upmanship which they play against one another. In their efforts to earn ‘brownie’ points from the boss all other work takes a backseat. In case one espies a sullen visage on one of them, it means that some other idiot has beaten him to the punch in scoring points with the boss – leaving him to ponder what HE must do the next day.
5. So how do you like the ‘MBI’ theory ? Have you come across such a scenario in your professional life ? Count yourself lucky in case you haven’t. This reminds me of an Urdu couplet :
1. Charles Sennewald in his book ‘Effective Security Management’ has mentioned some ‘Jackass Management Traits’ (which have nothing to do with Security Management) at the end of the book. They are hilarious scenarios of typical traits of ‘mismanagement’ exhibited by the top managers in various organizations. These traits cover most of the ‘idiosyncratic’ oddities displayed by managers in any organization. Well, the new management theory that I am going to describe does not even fit into the ‘Jackass Traits’. And remember, this is not even remotely akin to ‘MBO’, which we all know is ‘Management by Objectives’.
2. MBI stands for ‘Management by Idiots’. I am sure you all must have come across this scenario at some point of time in your careers. If you are lucky enough NOT to have endured these traits in your bosses – wait awhile – your time will come ! In MBI, the top boss deliberately and knowingly installs ‘Idiots’ on important chairs. These ‘dumb characters’ are grossly unfit for the appointments which they hold and as a consequence chaos reigns supreme in all facets of office life. Why would a top boss commit such a folly, one may ask ? Well, this is done to ensure that there is absolutely no resistance from any quarter, to the ‘whims and fancies’ of the boss. His writ thus runs large and ‘thy will be done’ – Amen! All the idiots are ‘Yes Men’ of the highest order.
3. Bosses who resort to the MBI style of management have some typical traits. They are professional nincompoops who suffer from a massive sense of insecurity. They are mortally scared of the fact that people may NOT do their bidding which, of course, is a totally unfounded fear. They are suspicious of everyone else and trust nobody except for members of the ‘dumb inner circle’. They encourage ‘back-biting’ by lending a patient ear to the tales that the ‘idiots’ carry. They will not tolerate even a mild suggestion from anyone unless it has been duly endorsed by one of the ‘idiots’. In fact everyone is told to route everything through these ‘dumbos’. A façade of ‘every thing is in order’ is carefully maintained. Complaints are promptly bounced back from where they originate and all cases of impropriety/indiscipline are brushed under the carpet. The boss is just not willing to listen to any voice which is raised against the incompetence of any idiot. In fact he eulogises the non-existent achievements of these dumb characters. Such bosses, more often than not, have double standards and do NOT practice what they preach. They only do the preaching – practicing is for others !
4. The ‘idiots’ also have some peculiar traits – chief among them being the ability to sing paens about the boss at the drop of a hat. They will leave no opportunity in singing thus, openly, much to the embarrassment of the people at large. The boss’s magnanimity (of which only they are the recipients !), large-heartedness, vision, professional expertise (which is visible to only a select few !), and transparency are often the topics of praise. This blatant flattery is evident at all gatherings (be it official forums or private audiences), leaving everyone else fidgeting on their seats. Another trait is their fantastic ability to ‘lay eggs’ over any case which lands up on their desks. Procrastination is the name of the game and they believe that if a case can be delayed long enough then there is no need to do anything about it !! Yet another trait is the constant game of one-upmanship which they play against one another. In their efforts to earn ‘brownie’ points from the boss all other work takes a backseat. In case one espies a sullen visage on one of them, it means that some other idiot has beaten him to the punch in scoring points with the boss – leaving him to ponder what HE must do the next day.
5. So how do you like the ‘MBI’ theory ? Have you come across such a scenario in your professional life ? Count yourself lucky in case you haven’t. This reminds me of an Urdu couplet :
“ हर शाख पे उल्लू बैठा है,
अंजामें गुलिस्तान क्या होगा ?"
