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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

New Management Theory - MBI

Move over all ye ‘Business Schools’ and ‘Management Gurus’ – a brand new management theory is being propounded right here !!

1. Charles Sennewald in his book ‘Effective Security Management’ has mentioned some ‘Jackass Management Traits’ (which have nothing to do with Security Management) at the end of the book. They are hilarious scenarios of typical traits of ‘mismanagement’ exhibited by the top managers in various organizations. These traits cover most of the ‘idiosyncratic’ oddities displayed by managers in any organization. Well, the new management theory that I am going to describe does not even fit into the ‘Jackass Traits’. And remember, this is not even remotely akin to ‘MBO’, which we all know is ‘Management by Objectives’.

2. MBI stands for ‘Management by Idiots’. I am sure you all must have come across this scenario at some point of time in your careers. If you are lucky enough NOT to have endured these traits in your bosses – wait awhile – your time will come ! In MBI, the top boss deliberately and knowingly installs ‘Idiots’ on important chairs. These ‘dumb characters’ are grossly unfit for the appointments which they hold and as a consequence chaos reigns supreme in all facets of office life. Why would a top boss commit such a folly, one may ask ? Well, this is done to ensure that there is absolutely no resistance from any quarter, to the ‘whims and fancies’ of the boss. His writ thus runs large and ‘thy will be done’ – Amen! All the idiots are ‘Yes Men’ of the highest order.

3. Bosses who resort to the MBI style of management have some typical traits. They are professional nincompoops who suffer from a massive sense of insecurity. They are mortally scared of the fact that people may NOT do their bidding which, of course, is a totally unfounded fear. They are suspicious of everyone else and trust nobody except for members of the ‘dumb inner circle’. They encourage ‘back-biting’ by lending a patient ear to the tales that the ‘idiots’ carry. They will not tolerate even a mild suggestion from anyone unless it has been duly endorsed by one of the ‘idiots’. In fact everyone is told to route everything through these ‘dumbos’. A façade of ‘every thing is in order’ is carefully maintained. Complaints are promptly bounced back from where they originate and all cases of impropriety/indiscipline are brushed under the carpet. The boss is just not willing to listen to any voice which is raised against the incompetence of any idiot. In fact he eulogises the non-existent achievements of these dumb characters. Such bosses, more often than not, have double standards and do NOT practice what they preach. They only do the preaching – practicing is for others !

4. The ‘idiots’ also have some peculiar traits – chief among them being the ability to sing paens about the boss at the drop of a hat. They will leave no opportunity in singing thus, openly, much to the embarrassment of the people at large. The boss’s magnanimity (of which only they are the recipients !), large-heartedness, vision, professional expertise (which is visible to only a select few !), and transparency are often the topics of praise. This blatant flattery is evident at all gatherings (be it official forums or private audiences), leaving everyone else fidgeting on their seats. Another trait is their fantastic ability to ‘lay eggs’ over any case which lands up on their desks. Procrastination is the name of the game and they believe that if a case can be delayed long enough then there is no need to do anything about it !! Yet another trait is the constant game of one-upmanship which they play against one another. In their efforts to earn ‘brownie’ points from the boss all other work takes a backseat. In case one espies a sullen visage on one of them, it means that some other idiot has beaten him to the punch in scoring points with the boss – leaving him to ponder what HE must do the next day.

5. So how do you like the ‘MBI’ theory ? Have you come across such a scenario in your professional life ? Count yourself lucky in case you haven’t. This reminds me of an Urdu couplet :
“ हर शाख पे उल्लू बैठा है,
अंजामें गुलिस्तान क्या होगा ?"

Friday, November 14, 2008

Diamond Jubilee Celebrations in the Paltan

My paltan (6/8 GR) celebrated its Diamond Jubilee of raising at Dehradun from 02 to 05 November 2008. It coincided with the Battle Honour (Naghun) day which fell on 04 November. I visited the paltan after 21 years and met a lot of officers with whom I had served at various locations. It was a memorable event made possible by the present lot of officers under the able leadership of Col. Ganapathy. It felt like home-coming and all of us were transported back in time. It was fun to watch old timers behave like kids with everyone pulling each others' leg. I am glad that I decided to make the trip to Dehradun for this event with my better half. In retrospect, all I can say is that I wouldn't have missed it for anything in the world. The following pics will tell the story better :
(click on any photo to enlarge it )
Self and Maj DB with the Diamond Jubilee Trophy
Entry in the old visitors' book dated 09 July 1978 -
reporting for the first time.
My Record of Service in the paltan !
At the 'Bar'
Maj DB, Col A.K.Mehta, Col Naithani
and self in the mess
Col Chow, self and Maj DB at the 'Barakhana'
A group photo of the old gang (Khanabal)
Jaiwant, Naithani, Brig Mehta, Col Bones,
self and Maj DB
Signing the 'book' at the Quarterguard !
Chow, Anil, self, Ashwini and Jaiwant at the QG.
A group photo with the Officers & JCOs
Special Sainik Sammelan.
Col V.Ganapathy, the present 'old man' !!
(Full marks to him and his team for the excellent show !)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Lungar Gupp XXXXIX

1. Interviews for AGMs. It is understood that the much awaited interviews for promotion from Grade 'B' to 'C' may be happening soon. Nobody is willing to hazard a guess as to when they will actually take place. I think it may happen towards the end of December or even in the New Year. This is MY guess !!
2. Cab Woes ! For those of you who go to Delhi and are in need of a taxi - never, ever go for the newly introduced Call Taxi service (tele 43434343 ). I nearly missed my flight to Guwahati on 06 Nov thanks to this so called 'high tech' service. The cab never turned up and on complaining the driver had the audacity to tell me that my 'servant' had cancelled the service. Of all the lame excuses this one surely takes the cake.
3. Varying VOFs. Visiting Officers Flats at various places evoke different reactions every time one visits them. The New Delhi VOF at Sarojininagar now has AMs manning the reception round the clock. The same place was in a pathetic condition less than a year ago. The VOF at Guwahati has an attendant who is related to Houdini - always performing the disappearing act and not to be seen when required. At Kolkata everything is fine as regards the decor and facilities are concerned, however be prepared to ignore the hygiene aspect. Moreover, there is no market anywhere nearby so one is at the mercy of the culinary expertise of the staff posted thereat.
4. Update !! I just got a mail from Sumit Upreti. He seems to be doing pretty well for himself. He is the Head of Security for an MNC emerald mine at Zambia and is enjoying the challenging assignment.
5. CPP & PSP Exam. The said exams were held on 01 Nov 2008 at USI Club, Rao Tula Ram Marg, New Delhi. A good number of participants turned up for the exam. I managed to reach the venue just as the test was about to begin. Capt Khan from RBI, Kolkata was there taking the test for PSP and a surprise participant was S.S. Raman (wonder how many more certifications he is aspiring for ?). Well, here's wishing both of them all the best !!